so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
