I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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