you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
