will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
