turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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