Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
