So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My bed smells like the plague
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
