Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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