I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
