so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
