Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
