remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just tell him i said nine months
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
