Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
