he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
