It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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