still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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