im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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