The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think my tv is drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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