YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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