Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize