I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize