Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
