NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
