we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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