Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
