It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
