tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
