You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
