I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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