Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
