I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
