one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
