I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
