There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
