dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
