After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
