I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
