then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
