Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
