PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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