I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
