pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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