I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
