sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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