that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
