i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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