$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
