I want to make a zoo with you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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