she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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