I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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