im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
