I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate all girls vehemently.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
