Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
