yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
