not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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