fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
