They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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