At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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