Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
