please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
