last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
