It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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