just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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