Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
