the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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