I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
