i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
