sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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