GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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