Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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