I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
