dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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