Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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