i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize